I have a plan that will stop street harassment for all time. It goes like this:
- All women are now allowed to carry swords.
- All women get 20 free hours of sword training.
- All women are allowed to cut a fool without suffering legal consequences once per calendar month.
Fine points and clarifications:
- For the purposes of this scheme, any bladed weapon 20” or longer that comes with a sheath is a sword; anything shorter or without a scabbard is out of bounds.
- Legal “cut a fool” passes do not stack; if you cut no fools in January, you don’t get to cut two fools in February. Conversely, you are not required to cut a fool at all — just know you can if you want.
- Legal “cut a fool” passes are good for any sword wound up to and including fatalities.
And but so:
- I realize the first couple of years after this plan is implemented will be a bloodbath, but think of the society we’ll be building and remember the greater good!
- I picked swords because it’s really hard to take one away from someone if you don’t have one yourself.
- Do you think a small industry might pop up around sword fashion? Stylish sword belts and scabbards? Hello Kitty and Lisa Frank sword gear? Am I alone in wanting to see what that would be like?
Look, I’d be happy if we lived in a world where we didn’t have to hand swords out to women in order to scare dumbass men into keeping their fool mouths shut, but this clearly isn’t that world. I’m ready to see this happen.